A video recently went viral showing streamer and TikTok star Peller trying to get fellow TikTok sensation and his girlfriend, Jarvis, into a car at the end of Seyi Vibez’ TBS Concert, reportedly to shield her from a teeming crowd. In the clip, Peller yells and shoves her aggressively, despite her bristling at his command that she enter the car. At first, Jarvis resisted and expressed anger at his behavior, but she eventually complied. The interaction then escalated into an argument, with Peller shoving her repeatedly as she continued to voice her displeasure at his behaviour.
The footage quickly stirred mixed reactions online, with many speculating about the dynamics of their relationship and several others noting the abusive behavior on display in the short video.
In response to the discourse, Jarvis posted a video addressing concerns that she was being abused. She angrily dismissed the claims, telling commentators to “go and advise their families.” While admitting that Peller’s shoving was uncalled for, she insisted she was not in an abusive relationship, emphasizing that if she ever felt she was, she would leave: “This isn’t the 1960s,” she said, when women were encouraged to remain in violent marriages.
Peller later released his own statement, asserting that he would never beat a woman. He explained that the push seen in the video was not intended as violence but what he considered normal playful interaction: “As I touched her, I thought it was our normal play and was thinking she was going to do hers back, but she didn’t. I was angry at that moment because she didn’t listen to me, but I can never beat a woman. I want you all to know that.”
While both sought to downplay the video, the incident reflects a deeper societal blind spot in how Nigerians define abuse. It highlights the fact that public understanding of abusive relationships remains worryingly narrow and often limited to physical violence.
In recent years, conversations around domestic violence and intimate partner abuse have become increasingly common in Nigerian media. From full-length films to short projects, storytellers are exploring the complexities of abuse in hopes of raising awareness and encouraging victims to choose themselves. While this progress is important, public discourse still largely reserves the word “abuse” for the most extreme cases.
Physical beatings, financial control, and life-threatening violence are easily identifiable forms of abuse, and these dominate Nigeria’s collective imagination. In 2022, there was widespread outrage at the death of gospel singer Osinachi Nwachukwu after years of violence at the hands of her husband, Peter Nwachukwu. Such tragedies are glaring and indisputable, but intimate partner violence goes beyond the physical — a reality Nigerians as a whole are yet to meaningfully engage with.
This is why Jarvis does not recognize Peller’s actions as abuse. Emotional abuse, in particular, receives little attention in Nigerian discourse. Negging (masking insults as compliments), aggressive tones, overprotection, emotional manipulation, and name-calling are all forms of abuse, though rarely acknowledged as such. As Peller himself explained, he believed he was protecting Jarvis by urging her into the car — but his aggressive tone and physical shoving overshadowed any intention to keep her safe.
Part of the issue lies in Nigeria’s complicated relationship with discipline and violence. Many Nigerians were raised in environments where yelling, punitive beatings, and derogatory language were normalized. What may seem alarming in societies with a broader understanding of abuse is often dismissed as routine discipline. This background makes it easier for abusive dynamics to thrive in adult relationships, where emotional vulnerability runs even deeper.
The couple’s age also underscores this issue. Peller is 20 years old, while Jarvis is 23. In Nigeria, depictions of abusive relationships are often reserved for marriages or relationships between older adults. Little discussion exists around teenagers or young adults in dating relationships, leaving many without the tools to identify or navigate concepts like intimate partner violence. This gap is evident in the inability of both Peller and Jarvis to grasp that abuse exists outside of “beating a woman like a man” or “using cutlass and knife to yama yama” someone. It is also visible in Jarvis’ defense of Peller, which at several points slipped into victim-blaming and reflected the mindset of someone excusing harmful behavior rather than confronting it.
Her response reveals the complex reasons victims often remain in damaging relationships. In defending Peller, she repeatedly insisted, “I’m not a child, I know what I’m doing,” reflecting the embarrassment and shame many victims feel in admitting they are being mistreated, while attempting to reclaim her agency which, from the video, had clearly been eroded — she didn’t appreciate being ordered around by Peller, especially given the fact that she is three years older than him, but he insisted aggressively that he knew what was best for her.
She also expressed hope that with time he would “get better,” underscoring a common but misguided belief that abusive partners can be changed through patience or love. At other moments, she shifted responsibility onto herself, saying she too was “working on” her reactions or blaming her seniority for being “controlling.” This misplaced accountability, coupled with retaliatory gestures — such as hitting him back when he struck her “playfully” — creates the illusion of equality even though the aggression consistently begins with him.
Misogynistic expectations further compound the problem. Jarvis explained that she is now trying to “act like a lady,” suggesting her softness or compliance might reduce his aggression. Yet such thinking ignores the reality that his behavior is rooted in his own choices, not hers. Above all, her defense is tied to affection: she loves Peller and does not want him publicly condemned as a bad person.
These layers reveal how abuse often thrives not just through violence, but through shame, lack of awareness, misplaced hope, internalized blame, and social conditioning that discourages people from speaking out. Until conversations about abuse in Nigeria expand to include emotional and psychological harm, victims — especially young people — will continue to excuse harmful behavior as “normal.”
